


Spirituality

by dannihowell (iguessicantry)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Gay Bashing, M/M, Religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-28 07:03:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7630051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iguessicantry/pseuds/dannihowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The choirboy makes Phil blush.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spirituality

The first boy he liked was his friend Khalid, a boy who lived three doors down. His family was from Pakistan and Phil wasn’t allowed to play with him because he was Muslim and much too different. Khalid’s family never said as much but Phil was sure the feeling was mutual. His father was a Christian pastor after all. They used to spend the day playing with all the other children in the neighborhood. Khalid moved away when his father got a new job. Phil cried and hid his tears on his coat sleeve.

The second boy he liked was his cousin Mary’s boyfriend, Johnny. Johnny ‘The Snake’ Harrison was the neighborhood tough. His hair was dark and sleek, eyes inky. He had tattoos and always ruffled Phil’s hair when he came to see Mary, who lived with them after she got kicked out of her parent’s house. Mary was a magnet for trouble. So when Johnny and his friends got into a bar fight and needed money for bail, Mary stole her Aunt’s pearls and hocked them. She couldn’t let the father of her baby sit in jail until God knows when. Phil hasn’t seen Johnny since Mary’s fifth month. He didn’t like Johnny much at all after that.

The third boy he liked was perhaps the most flamboyant young man he’ll ever meet. Jamieson ‘The Freak’ Martins wore make-up sometimes. His hair was always far too long. He never had a father and Phil’s mother always said that explained it. Phil didn’t understand how that explained it because Jamieson’s mother was never one to wear much make-up. She hardly left the house. She had grown embarrassed and secluded. Phil wasn’t allowed to even cross Jamieson’s path. If he were on one side of the street, Phil’s mother insisted that he should cross to the next side. Phil liked him because they went to school together and Jamieson always made him laugh. He thinks that Jamieson had liked him too. Something happened to Jamieson one night when he was walking home from the shops. He’s still in the hospital. He hasn’t opened his eyes yet. They said God was punishing him.

The fourth boy he liked was, by far, the most troublesome. He was in the church youth group, the youth choir and even worked Sunday school sometimes, watching the younger children. He probably had the highest marks in their year at school. He was always respectful towards adults. Dan ‘The Perfect Prefect’ Howell was a pillar of their small community at the age of 16.

But Dan Howell was trouble.

—

Every summer, their church held a retreat vacation for the youth group. It ran for two weeks and involved adventure, hiking and swimming (for those so inclined) and team building activities. Phil, being the pastor’s son, was an obvious leader of the older teenage group and made sure that every teen between 15 and 18 was able to sign up.

The Howells were new to town and Dan was their 15-year-old son. The day Phil handed Dan the brochure for the retreat, would be a day he would regret.

Two days into retreat, Dan falls off one of the obstacles on the team building course and twists his ankle. Phil offered to help him back to camp.

“Hey, I think I should give you a heads up that my sister likes you,” Phil laughed, as a way to cheer him up. It was true that Phil’s sister, Ruth and, frankly every girl in the congregation fancied the boy.

Dan shrugged but smiled. “Who do you like?”

“In church?”

“Anywhere.”

Phil shrugged. “No one at the moment.”

“Really?” asked Dan.

“There was someone but they’re not really around anymore.”

Dan looked at Phil sympathetically. “Oh, what happened?”

“Thugs attacked them,” Phil said without thinking. There were very close to camp and as soon as he could he would get some water because clearly, the heat was messing with his filter. Or maybe it was just the adorable teenage boy, with tan skin and deep-set dimples that made him want to tell all his secrets.

“I heard someone was attacked. My parents told me about it before we moved here. It was in the papers. A boy was the victim of gay bashing.”

“This was someone else,“ said Phil quickly.

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Phil opened the door to the first-aid office, helping Dan as he limped inside.

“Thanks for helping me,” Dan smiled with that smile Phil’s already much too flustered by.

“No problem. I’ll come back in about an hour, once I get the group settled.”

As the nurse began to tend to Dan’s injury, Phil made his escape.

One week into retreat, Dan convinces everyone to play: _Two Truths and One Lie_. When it’s his turn Dan said: “I really don’t like singing. I have a massive crush on someone in this room. I believe in love at first sight.”

Dan loves to sing.

When it’s Phil’s turn, he said: “My favorite band is _David’s Giant_. I wish I could be myself. I want to move somewhere, far, far away.”

Phil’s favorite band is actually _Rise_.

The second to last day of retreat Phil found Dan on his cell phone by the campfire. Everyone else was still cleaning up dinner but Phil went ahead to set up everything for s’mores and other campfire activities.

“Hey, Dan.”

“Hey.”

“What’s up?” Phil asked cautiously because of the way Dan’s eyes never left him.

Dan shrugged. “I was just doing some research. I was really interested in the _spike_ in violence in our sleepy little town. I found out something.”

“I bet you did,” Phil said plainly, opening a box of chocolate bars.

“There were only three violent acts reported in the past year. One was a domestic violence dispute, another was the unsuccessful robbery of the petrol station and the last was the incident of gay bashing.”

“Interesting.”

“Phil?”

“Y-yeah?”

“Did you ever go and visit him?”

“Only family can visit.” Phil paused. Damn it. “I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

Dan was suddenly standing next to him instead of sitting on the logs surrounding the campfire. His arm wrapped around Phil’s shoulders and he said, in a whisper, “Do you still miss him?”

“We weren’t really friends. If my dad ever knew…” Dan could hear the panic in Phil’s voice.

“He won’t know. At least, I won’t tell him. I would be a hypocrite if I did.” Dan pulled away and gently patted Phil’s back before walking away.

—

Right now, you see, Dan was eyeing Phil from the stage where his father was preaching. No matter what he tried, Phil’s eyes were pulled towards him.

“God, he’s going to kill me,” Phil murmured to himself.

Half way through the service, Mary’s nine-month-old started to fuss. Phil offered to take him out into the pavilion, receiving a wealth of thanks from the flustered and embarrassed Mary. Jacob immediately quieted in Phil’s arms. When Phil makes it out into the front foyer of their church, where Jacob could be loud as he wishes, Dan was there waiting for him.

“Morning,” he said, smiling. “He’s getting big.”

Phil was frozen. “Huh?”

“Baby Jake… He’s getting big.” Dan approaches them both and Jacob reaches for him, eager to be held by someone new.

“Oh,” Phil nods, letting Jacob go into Dan’s arms.

“How are you? You seem a little… red.” Dan leaned further and whispered. “It’s actually very cute.”

Oh, God.

—-

“Someone help me. I think Dan just winked at me,” Ruth squealed in her spot next to Phil. Their mother gave her a stern look.

“This is church,” she said.

Ruth replied, “Yes, mum. Sorry.”

Phil said nothing, afraid to open his mouth. That wink has been for him.

Four Sundays later, Phil found himself volunteering to take Jacob once again because Dan’s decided to torture him right there in the middle services. When Dan sung, he only had eyes for Phil. When Dan sat down on the riser at the end of a song, he either winked or bit his lip in with such subtlety that Phil might have missed it if he weren’t paying attention. And, of course, he was paying attention.

Jake had started walking, which is as good as it is bad. Phil allowed him to stretch his little feet in the church foyer. It’s no surprise that Dan is standing there, waiting for him.

Dan raised a brow, smirking, “Phil.”

“Dan.”

Phil avoids his eyes, falling Jake’s movements around the small space.

“Can I get your number?” asked Dan. Phil flushed. “I heard you were really good at Calculus and I was wondering if I could text you if I need help.”

“Yeah sure.”

Dan returned to the stage after Phil gave him his number. It wasn’t until later that night that he realized how big a mistake that was.

[Dan]: Let’s play a game

[Phil]: You really like games.

[Dan]: I do. :) Truth or Truth

[Phil]: Ok…

[Dan]: I’ll go first. Have you ever kissed a guy?

Phil didn’t reply. Avoiding Dan at school was relatively easy because Phil was in the grade above him. He didn’t go to bible study on Wednesday, knowing _he_ would be there. He played sick on Sunday too.

[Dan]: Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.

[Phil]: Dan, I can’t do this

[Dan]: What

[Phil]: Flirt with you.

[Dan]: Oh please. You were barely flirting. I put in all the effort lol you are a lazy flirter

[Phil]: I guess. Alright… Truth or truth. Have you ever a kissed a guy?

[Dan]: A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.

[Phil]: So that’s a yes.

[Dan]: Do you like me? Like _like_ me?

[Phil]: I can’t tell you the truth

[Dan]: :) I like you too

—

Dan’s parents were disappointed when he came out. They told him to keep it quiet and not spread it around town. They maintained that they still loved him and were proud of him. Dan couldn’t see the truth of their statements.

Phil was already away at Uni, 90 miles away. He had a flat of his own, a job and a scholarship. He sent them a letter explaining himself. They hadn’t been nearly as forgiving. Phil was going to hell, they made sure he knew. Phil would burn in the fires of hell of all eternity. God would punish him.

They lived together in a small flat far, far away like Phil had always wanted. They were still together. Every Sunday, they still attended church, a much more tolerant one than the one Phil had been raised in. Phil had learned acceptance of others as well as himself. He had Dan to thank for giving him the strength to continue when he felt like giving up and giving in. On more than one occasion, his mother had approached him, begging him to renounce his filthy ways. He was with the man he loved. He had never killed anyone, stolen anything or even breathed a foul word about his parents. He had done nothing wrong and he was certain God knew that as well. His spirituality had been a part of him since birth, so had his sexuality. Dan had been the one to remind him that he was child of God and therefore loved. No human could tamper with that.

And it was because Dan’s blessed persistence and faith that Phil had found his piece of heaven, here on Earth.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr  
> [dannihowell](https://danni-howell.tumblr.com/)


End file.
